By Jesse Semko
Standing five-foot-fuck-all, Donald Stankiewicz is hardly an imposing specimen. Blonde hair and blue eyes that are characteristically Polish give him the appearance of a runty Ivan Drago. (You know, the evil Russian from Rocky IV).
Still, what Stankiewicz* lacks in size, he makes up for with ego – one with its own gravitational pull. To get his current job as a Conservative party policy researcher, Stankiewicz went straight to the top. He contacted the organization’s policy and strategy manager and told him he was calling to set up an interview. “You should you meet me,” he said, “because I’m probably someone you’ll want to hire.” Talk about ballsy, especially for someone with no prior political experience. Here are a few tricks from the tao of Stankiewicz. (*Names have been changed to protect the guilty.)
Dress to the Elevens
You’re no angel shark or zebra shark. You’re a great white. And you have to look the part. Having the right clothes is the first step. Think pinstriped suit, or anything expensive. The more expensive, the better.
Killer Confidence
Want an ego capable of splitting atoms? Start with self-hypnosis. Count down from 10, with each number bringing you closer to a state of utter relaxation. Once you’ve hit one, visualize yourself achieving your goal, or standing over the world like a golden Greek god. Really, it’s up to you.
More Machine, Less Man
Technology is cool. So buy a CrackBerry, or any other hot piece of portable tech equipment. Pulling it out and glancing at it like you’re expecting a call makes you appear important. Duh.
Crack A Joke
People like working with easygoing colleagues, so don’t be afraid to joke around. This doozy works great during job interviews. When the interviewer asks what your worst quality is, pause for a moment before responding: “You know what… it’s gotta be my golf swing.” U
Category: Life
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